Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
Be-dazzled jean shorts and a DJ Pauly (Sucks big time) D.
A couple of weeks ago I stepped out on the town with 4 of my girlfriends to begin our Britney Spears adventure. With all of us dressed in our platform wedges and fedora's we were ready take on the booming metropolis of downtown Indianapolis. After a few margaritas at dinner we waltz into the concert venue thinking we are all hot stuff. That is when the class ended and the trash came out! My theme for the night "Just because you CAN wear it doesn't mean you SHOULD." Our first sighting was a skinny girl in sequin "shorts" ...really they were like panties, I practically saw her vag. Ew. Okay...so I'm noticing people are kind of "dressed up" for this thing...and by dressed up I mean it was closer to un-dressed. After the skank parade that passed us as we made our way to our seats I was then pleasured by many familiar radio tunes mixed up by DJ Pauly D. If it hadn't been for the booze I probably would have left the concert right there...if he is a DJ then I am freakin Beyonce. I can mix songs better in my car with a 6 disk CD changer. Geeze. So... then the countdown began....thank God there were more hoes around to stare at so we could be occupied for the next 45 minutes. Here is my top 5 list of the skankiest things I saw that night...
1. "I"m a slave for you" - Literally, a girl dressed in this outfit. You remember it...right?
2. MTV VMA cir. 2000....She pulled it off.
3. Worst hair extensions EVER. Basically this....
4. Ew....muffin tops. I think they had on the same outfit as when they went to see Britney on tour in 1998.
5. So sad to say it....Britney, herself.
That's right people, she does have on fishnet, jorts, and a bedazzled bra. Her body was okay but this picture doesn't do it justice...she was jiggling like jello as she half-assed romped around the stage. I don't even consider what she did dancing. Oh, did I mention she did sing a word?
All in all it was a fun concert, the back up dancers were great and my girlfriends and I had fun anyway. Too bad Britney is only a step up from the trailer park.
Peace, Love, and Britney Bitches.
1. "I"m a slave for you" - Literally, a girl dressed in this outfit. You remember it...right?
2. MTV VMA cir. 2000....She pulled it off.
3. Worst hair extensions EVER. Basically this....
4. Ew....muffin tops. I think they had on the same outfit as when they went to see Britney on tour in 1998.
5. So sad to say it....Britney, herself.
That's right people, she does have on fishnet, jorts, and a bedazzled bra. Her body was okay but this picture doesn't do it justice...she was jiggling like jello as she half-assed romped around the stage. I don't even consider what she did dancing. Oh, did I mention she did sing a word?
All in all it was a fun concert, the back up dancers were great and my girlfriends and I had fun anyway. Too bad Britney is only a step up from the trailer park.
Peace, Love, and Britney Bitches.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Stuff Mom Tells You...post #1
I'm going to play a new game today, it's called "Stuff my mom was right about and I think I finally understand why (PS, Don't tell her!)."
I was raised in a conservative household somewhere in what I would call "Suburban Hell" (Not saying Hell was bad but if you can relate to 75% of the topics in "Mean Girls" then you know what I'm talking about.)
We had 3 rules in our house:
#1 Thow shalt not watch the Simpsons.
#2 Thow shalt not wear thy shoes in the house.
(dirty carpet)
#3 Thow shalt not move in with a boy before they are married.
So...needless to say when I was about 22 and in a serious relationship rule #3 came rushing back to me as if my mother came to me in my dreams like Gabriel came to Mary; however, since it was 2005 and NOT 1957 I had a bit of a dilemma, let me explain...
About 2 months after graduating from college I got a job on the side of town where my boyfriend (BF) lives. Just a side note....it was the epitome of a bachelor pad..crappy futon, dirty dishes, and one disgusting roommate (I mean I think he just fluffed he Starbucks uniform in the dryer after spraying it with Febreeze a couple of times and that was his idea of doing "laundry"...so gross.) The nastyass roommate was moving out and my friend who I had lived with before was getting married and buying a house with her fiance. My only other option was to move back in with my mom and face the 1hr, each way, commute for work. NOT HAPPENING! All roads led to moving in with the BF.
Q: Was I ready?
A: Absolutely not.
Q: Did I know what I was doing?
A: Hell No
Q: Did I think we could get married someday?
A: Maybe, but the ring better be big and he better not work on the Geek Squad by then.
Now, understand that I was not your typical "party my face off" 22 year old. I had some of those days in college but I was ready to start my "Big Girl Job" and move on. So....I guess what I'm trying to say to all you young people out there (is anyone listening to me???) Think long and hard about what you are doing before melding your life together with another person. It seems all fun like you're 8 again and playing house with the gay next door neighbor boy....but IT'S NOT. This stuff is REAL. It's like you are about find out all that shit you hope you never know about another person and they are going to find out all of your insecurities (like how you think you're fat ALL THE TIME, how you are a complete OCD neat freak, and not to mention your expectations and his expectations will NEVER be the same.) Basically here is my opinion in a nutshell:
#1) If you KNOW you are ready to move in...just get married. It is the SAME thing. Not saying rush into something but I could have just gotten that over with like 3 years ago, can you say "Wedding Registry"? No really though...looking back now I wasn't ready. (Enter mom with a halo saying "I told you so")
#2) If you're not ready for that then DON'T DO IT. Let me re-iterate...It IS the SAME thing as being married. Oh, and you say...well I'm not ready and it's like a "trial" to see if I'm ready....BS, once you make that move there is no turning back and if you do it's not easy, why open yourself up to venerability?...you don't get half for moving out, just sayin.
Everyone's situation is unique and you could end up lucky (like me, haha) but I would caution anyone who is considering this. Anyway, I'm open to your comments....suggestions...etc.
I was raised in a conservative household somewhere in what I would call "Suburban Hell" (Not saying Hell was bad but if you can relate to 75% of the topics in "Mean Girls" then you know what I'm talking about.)
We had 3 rules in our house:
#1 Thow shalt not watch the Simpsons.
 |
| I called him "CastleHead" and my mom said they were "disrespectful" |
#2 Thow shalt not wear thy shoes in the house.
(dirty carpet)
#3 Thow shalt not move in with a boy before they are married.
So...needless to say when I was about 22 and in a serious relationship rule #3 came rushing back to me as if my mother came to me in my dreams like Gabriel came to Mary; however, since it was 2005 and NOT 1957 I had a bit of a dilemma, let me explain...
About 2 months after graduating from college I got a job on the side of town where my boyfriend (BF) lives. Just a side note....it was the epitome of a bachelor pad..crappy futon, dirty dishes, and one disgusting roommate (I mean I think he just fluffed he Starbucks uniform in the dryer after spraying it with Febreeze a couple of times and that was his idea of doing "laundry"...so gross.) The nastyass roommate was moving out and my friend who I had lived with before was getting married and buying a house with her fiance. My only other option was to move back in with my mom and face the 1hr, each way, commute for work. NOT HAPPENING! All roads led to moving in with the BF.
Q: Was I ready?
A: Absolutely not.
Q: Did I know what I was doing?
A: Hell No
Q: Did I think we could get married someday?
A: Maybe, but the ring better be big and he better not work on the Geek Squad by then.
Now, understand that I was not your typical "party my face off" 22 year old. I had some of those days in college but I was ready to start my "Big Girl Job" and move on. So....I guess what I'm trying to say to all you young people out there (is anyone listening to me???) Think long and hard about what you are doing before melding your life together with another person. It seems all fun like you're 8 again and playing house with the gay next door neighbor boy....but IT'S NOT. This stuff is REAL. It's like you are about find out all that shit you hope you never know about another person and they are going to find out all of your insecurities (like how you think you're fat ALL THE TIME, how you are a complete OCD neat freak, and not to mention your expectations and his expectations will NEVER be the same.) Basically here is my opinion in a nutshell:
#1) If you KNOW you are ready to move in...just get married. It is the SAME thing. Not saying rush into something but I could have just gotten that over with like 3 years ago, can you say "Wedding Registry"? No really though...looking back now I wasn't ready. (Enter mom with a halo saying "I told you so")
#2) If you're not ready for that then DON'T DO IT. Let me re-iterate...It IS the SAME thing as being married. Oh, and you say...well I'm not ready and it's like a "trial" to see if I'm ready....BS, once you make that move there is no turning back and if you do it's not easy, why open yourself up to venerability?...you don't get half for moving out, just sayin.
Everyone's situation is unique and you could end up lucky (like me, haha) but I would caution anyone who is considering this. Anyway, I'm open to your comments....suggestions...etc.
 |
| Kick Ass wedding shoes (I will wear them in MY house now if I want to mom.) |
Monday, August 1, 2011
The highlight of my week...
Okay, I just want to say that I love The Bachelorette, The Bachelor, Bachelor Pad...etc...any lame excuse for reality TV where the people are attractive and there is way too much drama. (That's kind of general but we'll talk about my love for bad reality TV more later.) N E Wayz... tonight is the season finale of The Bachorette with Ashley Herbert (That's pronounced A-Bear...I think it's like French). I'm soooo excited about it. I seriously took the morning off sick this morning (I really am kinda sick, swimmers ear and I couldn't sleep last night!) My husband has school tonight so it's just me and the dogs, Ashley, JP, and Ben. I decided to prepare myself a lovely crockpot dinner of white bean and chicken chili and I made sure the house was all clean and ready to go so when I return from my TurboKick class at the gym I can take my shower and be ready to eat by promptly 8pm. My plan is to enjoy my dinner paired with my organic Savignon Blanc and then later my deeeeeelish fudge brownies that I made last night (this is why I do turbokick) See the recipe, here...they were money. So, the stage will be set for me to enjoy my lovely night at home this evening, can't wait. (She'd better pick JP or the rest of my week will be ruined.)
 |
| Too Cute |
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
NKOTBSB-I will never forget you!
I really feel the need to tell you about why I had the best night EVER last night! A few months ago I heard that New Kids on the Block and the Backstreet Boys (NKOTBSB, as they call themselves...ad-nauseum I might add) would be coming to my city on their tour. I thought "wow, I really loved those douche bags when I was 14 but my conservative mother would never have allowed me to go see them in concert...and because I'm an "adult" and make my own $$ then I'm going to drop about $115 on a ticket." MOST AWESOME IDEA EVER!
So....I have a few drinks pre-concert and then I made my way into the arena with one of my douche bag loving girlfriends. My night began by the opening act....Matthew Morrison...you say you don't know who that is??? Yeah, me either but he's the super fine teacher guy from Glee. BTW....he should find a better job because the way he gyrated around that stage with his lovely man voice and not to mention the way he was sweating so his shirt was stuck to his chest....uh dang.
 |
| Yumm |
My palette was primed for some hot man ass as NKOTBSB took the stage. The music rang out the melodies of Coldplay's "Viva la Vida" .... I instantly jizzed in my pants. Coldplay is my most favorite bands and even though they changed all of the lyrics so that it wasn't about Roman Catholics and all that weird Coldplay stuff it was still AMAZE-BALLS. I turned back into a 14 year old watching TRL on MTV and wishing the whole time that Nick Carter would catch a glimpse of my awesome J.Crew hat and sweep me up on stage. (WTF is wrong with me???!!!!) My friend and I screamed our faces off and I'm not talking like "whoooooo" I am talking "WAAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!) For the next few hours I was on the verge of being impregnated by the enormous amount of hip thrusting and crotch grabbing that was basically a display better than Chip n' Dales. (I mean, when Donnie Walhberg took his shirt off and frolicked around the stage I could barely stand it.) By the end of the night I literally had stars in my eyes only the stars were little miniature faces of Nick, AJ, Brian, Howie, Jordan, Joey, Johnathan, Donnie, and Danny. (Yes, I do know all of their names but I had to Google it just in case because I couldn't remember some of the creepier guys, Howie, and Danny)
Anywayz.... I am exhausted this morning and I am calling it a "boy band hangover" My poor husband feels completely inadequate....as he should but I told him that if he wants to get my attention he'd better go get some tight pants and a glittery t-shirt. :)
Nick and Jordan 4ever!!!!!!!
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